


Littlest Alien

by GuineapigQueen



Series: 200 Followers Requests [8]
Category: South Park
Genre: M/M, Mpreg, Teen Pregnancy, talk of gross pregnancy stuff, talk of piss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-28
Updated: 2019-05-28
Packaged: 2020-03-17 19:06:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,038
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18971239
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GuineapigQueen/pseuds/GuineapigQueen
Summary: If there’s one thing he’s gotten out of this whole ordeal (besides fat and a baby), it’s that he knows Tweek really, truly loves him now. Because from the word go Tweek has been nothing but supportive. There was no fighting or blaming, just figuring out what they wanted to do - together. It’s probably the most mature thing they have ever done.





	Littlest Alien

**Author's Note:**

  * For [relvey](https://archiveofourown.org/users/relvey/gifts).



> It's @hamflask // @relvey birthday! So here is your request my lovely! Editied by @metrophobic - my annoying ass badgered him to do my dirty work :)
> 
> Hamflask said: "can i get uhhhh... bratty pregnant teen craig pissing himself"
> 
> Your wish is my command <3

Getting pregnant wasn’t part of Craig’s plan. But planning wasn’t Craig’s strong suit, Tweek’s either, in any kind of capacity. That much was clear; if either of them had any sense they’d have used protection. Literally any kind of protection, but well, they were stupid. Craig is sixteen, in love, stupid and horny - he never thought these sort of things through. He was just that idiot who thought it would never happen to him. 

 

But it did. 

 

If there’s one thing he’s gotten out of this whole ordeal (besides fat and a baby), it’s that he knows Tweek really, truly loves him now. Because from the word go Tweek has been nothing but supportive. There was no fighting or blaming, just figuring out what they wanted to do - together. It’s probably the most mature thing they have ever done. He’s been a gross, miserable mess and Tweek has just been there, steady like a rock. There’s just so many things about being pregnant that  _ suck,  _ and you can’t understand just how  _ much  _ until you live through it. Craig doesn’t think he’d take his baby back, but there was nothing in this world that could have prepared him for the misery he was enduring.

 

Firstly, the nausea is relentless. He’s got special permission in school to leave the classroom when he has to puke, it’s embarrassing. And now, he’s nearing the end of his pregnancy and still feels sick almost all the time - it’s unfair. Fatigued doesn’t even begin to describe how tired he is; for the entire pregnancy he’s felt like he was just dragging himself from one place to the next. It’s difficult to concentrate in class and he’s got zero energy to go anywhere with his friends or do something nice with Tweek. He just curls up in bed when he gets home and whines for Tweek to cuddle him. In hindsight he knows it’s pathetic, but in the moment he can’t stop himself. And lastly, he’s  _ huge.  _ He doesn’t look good in anything anymore, because he didn’t just gain weight in his belly. He didn’t really realise you gained it everywhere - he thought it would be like celebrities or tv shows where his stomach got bigger but then snapped back. It’s not like that at all. He doesn’t think he’s ever going to be able to take his shirt off in public ever again just from the stretch marks alone. He doesn’t know why Tweek isn’t repulsed by him, but he won’t complain. 

 

Craig tells himself that he just has to get through this, he only has a few months left and then he and Tweek will have a baby. Their own little family, that’s the important part. 

 

He loves his baby, but he is never,  _ ever  _ doing this again.

 

—

 

Craig and Tweek’s parents weren’t very impressed when they found out about the baby. But Craig’s parents are at least pragmatic, and got that it was a mistake that couldn’t just be undone. So they mostly put aside their anger and set down ground rules instead. Mainly, that Craig had to finish school, Tweek too if he wanted to move in. (That was their vague plan; Craig didn’t wanna be living separate from Tweek with a new baby.) Tweek’s parents took a little longer to come around, but now they’re sort of overly enthusiastic in a way that’s annoying. Craig is glad to be living with his own parents, because at least his parents are more realistic.

 

More than anything, especially now, Craig wants to quit school. He’s miserable enough without his peers judging him and classwork to think about. But he knows his mother will absolutely not let him slack off. He’s sort of glad for it, because he’s self aware enough to know he’s already over emotional, and he’s a teenager with zero foresight. If it were up to him, he would have quit long ago, probably to his kid’s future detriment. So he grants his mother that and sticks with it, even though he’s counting down the days till he can stay at home. 

 

He finds school to often be too loud; he’s much more prone to headaches since falling pregnant and he is finding he needs to use the bathroom more and more often. It’s super embarrassing needing to pee like, every ten minutes and he’s sure his teachers are just about as done with it as he is. 

 

The lunchroom is probably the worst, even if he’s glad to be out of class and not having to think about work. What he’d like is to be able to be alone, or maybe just with Tweek, and try to have a quick nap but the noise makes it impossible. He also hates standing in line at the cafeteria for food, because he’s slow, he’s never able to run and get there first so he’s usually at the back of the line. He’s stuck there waiting, everything hurting more and more as he stands there wasting time. It’s awful. He’s usually starving too, either nauseous or starving - no in between. 

 

The line moves at a snail's pace, and Craig hates every moment he’s separated from Tweek. He doesn’t fault Tweek for not waiting for him. Tweek has a class on the other side of the school right before lunch, and his classroom is much closer to the cafeteria. Tweek also isn’t known for eating much during the morning, lunch is usually where he eats the most. So Craig just waits, focusing on his baby kicking instead of how much his feet hurt or how hungry he is. When it finally does come to his turn he gets one of everything, still knowing he has some food he brought from home too. He doesn’t quite understand how he can eat so much when the baby takes up so much room, but he guesses it’s because he’s gotta provide energy for two. 

 

“Should you be eating that much?” Red asks with a sarcastic snort. “You’re already huge.” Craig rolls his eyes in response. She often has a laugh at his expense, but he hadn’t actually noticed that she was behind him in the line that entire time.

 

“No, seriously,” she says. “You’ll be like one of those fat old soccer moms.”

 

“Pregnant people eat a lot, genius,” Craig snips back.

 

“I just mean if you don’t watch what you eat, you’ll ruin your body forever.” She shrugs. Craig sort of wants to strangle her, because this is the kind of attitude he had too. Before his doctor educated him that restricting his food wasn’t gonna mean he wouldn’t get big.

 

“You aren’t supposed to diet when you’re pregnant, it’s bad for the baby,” he replies. “I was supposed to gain weight.”

 

“Well you clearly succeeded,” she says with another mean spirited laugh. “Like Tweek is gonna think you’re so magic and it’s a miracle once the kid is out and you’re all fat and saggy.”

 

“Fuck you,” Craig spits. If he weren’t so huge he’d do a dramatic turn and storm out, but instead he has to settle for waddling. It’s humiliating. 

 

Tweek can already tell he’s agitated as soon as he gets over to the table. He has to ask for Tweek’s help to actually get seated though. His belly is in the way of everything, and it sours his mood even more. He tries to focus on eating instead. 

 

“You’re really hungry today,” Clyde says, clearly observing how much food Craig ordered.

 

“Yeah,  _ I fucking am _ , if that’s okay with everyone?” Craig snaps, coming out much harsher than he intended. Clyde looks a little wounded and Craig takes a minute to realise he overreacted.

 

“What’s the matter?” Tweek asks him, sounding concerned.

 

“I’m sorry,” Craig says to Clyde. “It’s just… Red was already poking at me in the lunch line… I didn’t mean to yell.”

 

“It’s okay, man,” Clyde replies. “I know you get moody sometimes.”

 

Craig frowns at his lunch tray. It’s not worth getting worked up over.

 

—

 

_ “Aaaarghh!”  _ Craig exclaims angrily before throwing his pencil on the ground. “I can’t do this!”

 

“Do what?” Tweek asks, calmly and with genuine concern. He slides up behind Craig to place a gentle, comforting hand on his shoulder.

 

Craig looks down at his math homework with watery eyes. He cries so easy now it’s stupid, nothing like his former stoic self. He hates feeling like he has no control over his emotions anymore. 

 

“This, my homework. I can’t think…” he says, trying to smother the emotion.

 

“Do it later,” Tweek suggests. “There’s clearly something on your  _ -nghh-  _ mind. I mean, we don’t gotta talk about it if you don’t wanna… but I’m here if you do.”

 

“I just… I don’t feel like me, at all. And Red made these comments about me being fat and that you’d leave me.” A small sob hitches at the end of Craig’s sentence. He’s unable to hold it in anymore. 

 

“Hey,” Tweek says, pulling Craig in close for a hug, “that’s not gonna happen. Red doesn’t know what we have, okay? It’s deeper than how we  _ -ah-  _ look… you aren’t even fat anyway, you’re pregnant. Big difference.”

 

“It’s just that, when I’m not pregnant anymore I’m not gonna look like I used to… I might be fatter, I’ll definitely have stretch marks… maybe my stomach will sag…” Craig sighs. He doesn’t think Tweek will leave him, at least deep down anyway, but the thought still stings deeply. 

 

“I don’t care, you’ll still be you, dude,” Tweek replies, and he presses a kiss to Craig’s cheek.

 

“I guess, it’s just… how can you  _ know  _ that?” Craig frowns. He wishes there was some way to just know. Just to know that things work out and that his life isn’t over at sixteen.

 

“I mean, I know that I  _ -nnn-  _ love you… and that I wanna be with you through anything and everything. And I trust that feeling…” Tweek places a hand on Craig’s belly. 

 

“I guess, it’s just upsetting to have everything change so much for me and everyone around thinks they can make comments. They’ve never been through this.” Craig looks down at his belly where Tweek’s hand rests. There’s no way it’s gonna snap back to flat. He’s a little bit sad he’s never gonna be able to wear any kind of crop top again.

 

“They haven’t. They’re stupid man, honestly. Yeah, we were kinda dumb to get pregnant so young but like… you’re strong,” Tweek says, in a tone so sure Craig feels like that has to be worth something. “I couldn’t do what you’re doing, it’s  _ -gah-  _ incredible for me to watch you just grow a whole person,” Tweek adds, kissing Craig’s cheek again. Craig has to smile at that; a great thing about being pregnant has been all the affection Tweek showers on him when he’s feeling miserable. It’s his only shining light sometimes. 

 

“I guess,” he replies. 

 

Tweek leans down to place a kiss on his belly. “We share a kid, I don’t think our  _ -hnn- _ bond is shallow,” Tweek says. “It’s important our son knows we love each other.”

 

Their baby is a boy. Craig couldn’t stand not knowing, so they found out at twenty weeks. Craig has been unsure exactly what having a son will mean, but he’s sure he will love him no matter what. Tweek is already on the train of gender neutral, or at least not dressing the kid exclusively in blue. Craig isn’t sure; all he knows is baby clothes are super cute and he likes browsing them in stores. Or, at least, he liked it a lot better when he wasn’t so big. Now going out is just kind of a hassle, and ends with Craig all swollen and in pain. 

 

They haven’t been able to agree on any kind of name for him, and Craig tries not to think of that as a bad sign. They’re not arguing about it, but they haven’t found anything to settle on yet. Sometimes people don’t pick til they see the baby, anyway. He’s gotta admit, he’s terrified of the actual labour part - he knows his pain tolerance is already pretty low. He finds the aches and pains of just being pregnant hard to deal with, contractions are gonna be on a whole other level. He’s had some minor Braxton Hicks contractions and he was pretty whiny and miserable throughout. He has no idea how he’ll cope with the real thing. 

 

Craig sighs and places his hand over Tweek’s on his tummy. He just wants his son to be happy and safe, they can figure out the rest later. 

 

“I know I never want this,” he says, “but can we go out? And just… I dunno, try to be like normal kids our age?”

 

“Of course we can,” Tweek says with a smile.

 

“Can we get drive-thru and eat it in the car like we used to… those dates that nobody else counted as real dates,” Craig suggests. He misses that. People used to joke that they were cheap, but it was more about feeling like they didn’t have to perform. There’s no performative romance when you’re eating a shitty McDonald’s burger, smoking a joint and laughing together. 

 

(Minus the joint part, now. Craig has been doing his best to be a responsible adult.) 

 

“Whatever, just ‘cause we didn’t wanna go out and eat in public, it’s still a date.” Tweek shrugs and laughs a little. 

 

“Exactly, can we do that? I’ll try not to complain about being pregnant too much,” Craig asks with a grin. Something about this is nostalgic and mischievous, and he wants to hold on to this feeling while he still can.

 

“You can complain, it doesn’t  _ -nghh-  _ bother me,” Tweek assures. “But yes, let’s do it… if you’re feeling up to it.”

 

“I am, I think I’m just sick of being in a rut. I wanna seize the opportunity while I still feel like I can do it,” Craig admits. 

 

“Okay, let's do it.” Tweek nods, and dutifully helps Craig out of his chair. Craig smiles back. He’s super grateful Tweek doesn’t point out that he needs help or makes a big show of it, just gets the job done. Tweek helps him downstairs and out to the car too, it’s sweet. Craig’s not sure what he’s done to deserve such a caring partner at such a young age, but he tries his best not to take it for granted. He doesn’t always succeed but he tries. 

 

Craig can handle the car, because he just has to sit. Sometimes sitting can get uncomfortable, but it’s not on the same level as walking around. Token is planning some trip to Six Flags soon and Craig would actually rather claw out his eyes than attempt to walk around a theme park all day. That, and he won’t be allowed on any of the rides. There’s so much shit he isn’t allowed to do anymore. 

 

Craig cares a lot less about being judged when he’s with Tweek, though. Tweek has a very,  _ if you don’t like it, fuck you,  _ kind of attitude and sometimes it can rub off. He cares less about the funny look the lady at the drive-thru gives them when repeating back how much food they ordered. He just laughs, Tweek with him. This is why he puts himself through it all, because building with Tweek is important. 

 

Craig wants to have Tweek’s baby, even if he is sixteen and stupid.

 

—

 

“We have to go the mall,” Craig’s mother says, in that no-nonsense tone she gets when Craig is being stupid or unreasonable. It’s the kind of tone she used with him when he first told her he was pregnant. 

 

“No!” Craig whines “No, I’ll just stay in my pyjamas!”

 

“Your pyjamas are filthy, Craig,” she says flatly.

 

“They kinda are, man,” Tweek adds. “Sorry.”

 

Craig groans. Nothing fits him anymore. Not even the baggier clothes he got when he outgrew his regular ones. He basically refused to get paternity clothes. They were ugly and an insult to his fashion sense. He hasn’t been able to wear an outfit he truly liked in months. It was just tons of baggy hoodies and sweatpants. Which, when they fit were comfortable, but they weren’t  _ fashionable _ . 

 

“I don’t wanna go out,” he moans. “Everything hurts.”

 

“You gotta, babe,” Tweek encourages him. The pet name melts Craig a little, but not enough to relent.

 

“You aren’t using this as an excuse to stay home from school,” his mom says sternly. “We’re going to the mall, try and find something that fits.”

 

“Tweek,” Craig whines, hoping his boyfriend will save him, but no such luck.

 

“I’m sorry, man,” Tweek says, “but we can’t keep putting it off.”

 

“Fuck this,” Craig mutters, but holds his hands out for Tweek to help him up all the same.

 

Craig can see their point of view once they are there. The clothes he’s wearing are pretty ill-fitting and it’s kinda embarrassing. He has to keep pulling down the hem of his shirt so the bottom of his belly doesn’t show. And Craig really doesn’t want that showing, there’s way too many stretch marks for him to feel confident. He just wishes he didn’t have to be here physically- he’d much rather be in bed. He hates the artificial light of the stores and the sensory overload with all the different music playing at once and people talking. He’s already beginning to feel a bit sick in such an overwhelming atmosphere.

 

“I hate this,” he complains as they browse through clothes. All of them are ugly, and so not aimed at teenagers. 

 

“Remember this next time you aren’t using a condom,” his mom says curtly. Tweek just rubs his back supportively.

 

“You don’t have to be mean,” Craig says. “I already get that at school.”

 

“I’m just saying,” she replies. “It’s not what you thought it’d be, is it?”

 

He shakes his head miserably. It definitely isn’t. The movies make everything seem magical and exciting, but most of the time Craig is unwell and scared. Nobody mentioned that he was going to feel so unlike himself, and that’s seriously upsetting. He doesn’t mean to, but he can feel himself beginning to cry at that thought. In the middle of the store like a crazy person.

 

“Oh, don’t cry.” Tweek pulls him into a hug. “It’s gonna be  _ -ah-  _ okay once he’s born.”

 

“I’m sorry, Craig,” his mother adds sincerely. “I wasn’t trying to make you cry. You were just being a bit of a pain this morning.”

 

“I’ve learnt my lesson,” he says wetly. “I hate being pregnant and I’ll never do it again. Can everyone just… stop lecturing me.”

 

“Is it worth it for your baby?” his mom asks, but he knows what she’s doing. It’s a hint to remind him  _ why  _ he insisted on taking this path in first place. 

 

“Yeah, you don’t hate our baby, do you?” Tweek almost sounds like he’s nervous Craig will turn around and say  _ no, I hate our baby.  _ Craig would never. 

 

“It’s worth it,” he says, sniffling and wiping his eyes. “I’m sorry, I just… I don’t feel great, I haven’t felt good this entire time… I just wanna go home.”

 

“We will soon,” assures Tweek, taking his hand. 

 

“Can we just get comfortable things?” Craig asks. “I don’t care about looking nice.”

 

“That’s a first,” his mom comments, “but sure, we want you to be comfortable.”

 

He ends up just picking out a bunch of sweatpants and plain tees. He’s not interested in anything fancy, seeing as the baby is coming very soon anyway. He just wants something he can wear around the house, or to school and feel less uncomfortable in. Craig sighs as he looks down at his stomach in the fitting room, and runs a finger over a particularly red stretch mark - probably a new one.

 

“I want you out,” he says quietly. “I wanna hold you, baby boy.” 

 

He’s thankful that Tweek and his mom don’t hear him. He doesn’t talk to the baby all that much, never in public. It feels like something that should be private, just between him and his son - and maybe Tweek if Craig is feeling confident. 

 

He’s making a beeline for the checkout, once dressed and out of the change rooms when Tweek calls his name. Craig turns to see him in the middle of the baby section, knee deep in tiny little baby clothes. He makes eye contact with his mother, as if to ask if it’s okay for them to linger a little longer. She nods, so he waddles over to Tweek. 

 

“This one has  _ -nghh-  _ aliens on it!” Tweek holds up a navy onesie with green alien faces plastered all over it. Craig lowkey loves it. “Remember when we got the first scan and I said he looked like an alien?” Tweek asks with a laugh. 

 

“Yeah,” Craig responds with a smile. “And I said he’s  _ our  _ alien.”

 

They giggle a little before Tweek leans in to plant a chaste kiss on Craig’s lips. He places a hand to Craig’s stomach as he does so, and when they break apart he leaves his hand resting there. 

 

“He’s moving,” Tweek says after a small but comfortable silence. 

 

“I know, I always know,” Craig replies. “He’s too big to move without me knowing.”

 

“He’ll be here soon, okay? Just hang in there,” Tweek encourages. “You’ll forget about how much you  _ -nnn-  _ hate all this shit when he’s out.”

 

“I know,” Craig sighs. “It’s just hard not to get caught up in how awful I feel sometimes.”

 

“Know I love you, okay? I love you and I love our tiny alien and I’m super  _ -hnn-  _ proud of you for making it through everything,” Tweek bends down slightly to kiss Craig’s belly, then leans in for Craig’s cheek again. 

 

“I love you too,” Craig says shyly. “Thanks for putting up with me.”

 

“It’s no sweat. I’m gonna buy this onesie though, I’m completely in love!” Tweek grins, before placing a hand on the small of Craig’s back to guide them back to the checkout.

 

—

 

Craig is so fucking happy when he’s finally allowed to stay home from school. He’s officially too pregnant for school, and that’s probably the only positive. If he has to be this huge and uncomfortable at least he gets to be in the comfort of his own home. Tweek still has to go to school though, which Craig hates. He hates that he’s essentially on his own all day - what if he goes into labour early? He just wants Tweek there to rub his back and hold his hand. He’s selfish, whatever.

 

Maybe that’s why he’s so moody all the time; almost every little thing annoys him. Well, apart from Tweek. Tweek can do no wrong in his eyes, but Craig’s parents and sister drive him crazy by merely existing. 

 

His favourite, favourite thing is using the  _ I can’t, I’m pregnant  _ excuse. It’s not like he can go take the trash out when he can’t even get up out of his chair without help. His back hurts standing around to wash dishes, and now, because he’s so close to giving birth, his parents actually have some sympathy for him. 

 

“It’s not fair!” Tricia whines whenever he gets out of doing a chore. “If I fuck someone without protection, can I sit on my fat ass too?!”

 

It might be hurtful if Craig wasn’t already sitting pretty, knowing he gets to do shit-all around the house. When his sister says things like that, he just smiles smugly because at the end of the day, she’s washing dishes and he isn’t. 

 

Well, Tweek has to do chores too, but since Craig is literally the size of a small car he gets a reprieve. 

 

Craig’s smugness comes to bite him in the ass eventually. He gets to spend all of the afternoon just sitting on the couch playing video games while his sister has to finish a couple of chores before their parents come home. Tweek, the kind soul he is, pitches in and helps her. But Craig isn’t so kind. He keeps playing his game, laughing to himself. 

 

Around the time his mom gets home he starts feeling a bit unwell. He asks her to save him leftovers and takes a nap instead, only stirring when Tweek slides in to join him after dinner. He struggles to get comfortable and can’t decide if he wants Tweek touching him or not. He pushes him off only to be clinging again five minutes later. 

 

“I’m hot,” Craig complains, shrugging off the blankets. 

 

“Whatever you need,” Tweek hums, but Craig can hear the tiredness in his voice. It annoys him a little. What does Tweek have to be tired about? Tweek isn’t the one with a kid crushing all his organs. He groans dramatically and fusses with the pillow wedged under his stomach.

 

“What’s the matter?” Tweek asks, sounding slightly more awake. “You’ve been groaning this whole time I’ve been up here.”

 

“It’s tight in here,” Craig says, placing a hand on his belly. “I’m uncomfortable.”

 

“Like, worse than normal?” 

 

“Yes. Way worse, like I’m being squeezed,” Craig replies. He gasps involuntarily when the sensation intensifies. “It  _ hurts, _ ” he whines.

 

“That sorta sounds like contractions…” Tweek says. “I mean, I wouldn’t  _ -ah-  _ know, but what I’ve read…”

 

“It’s too early,” Craig says, sounding pinched. He fumbles for Tweek’s hand with the hand not resting on his stomach, and squeezes it hard. 

 

“Do you want me to get your mom?” Tweek asks awkwardly, clearly unsure of what to do.

 

“No,” Craig says, taking a deep breath. “No, my waters haven’t broke so maybe it’ll just… go away?”

 

“Okay, but if things get worse I’m getting her. I just don’t like seeing you in  _ -gah-  _ pain,” Tweek adds forlornly. 

 

“Get used to it.” Craig cuts himself off with another groan. 

 

“Fuck,” Tweek whispers, “what can I do to help?”

 

Craig doesn’t really know. He barely knows what’s happening to him, let alone how one might go about making him feel better. 

 

“You could rub my back, I guess,” he suggests. “It hurts there too.”

 

“Okay.” Tweek gets to work.

 

Craig’s not sure how much time passes, but things definitely aren’t getting better. His stomach is so tight and painful that he feels nauseous; no position feels good. Right now he’s on all fours because instinct told him that’s what he needed. Tweek decides that he has to get Craig’s mom. Maybe the baby is coming for real. As frustrated as Craig is with being pregnant, he doesn’t want him coming early. He’s terrified.

 

He doesn’t mean to but he lets out a loud whine just as Tweek and his mom return to the bedroom. He rocks back onto his shins, sitting up but not really feeling better. Tweek rushes to his side and rubs his back. Craig digs his nails into his thighs to try and forget the pain. 

 

“How bad is it, baby?” Laura asks, kneeling down beside him.

 

“Bad,” Craig manages. “ _ Fuck  _ bad.”

 

“Have your waters broke?” She rubs his back too. Craig focuses on the sensation of their touches. He shakes his head.

 

“Okay, you’re doing good, sweetheart. And how far apart are they?” 

 

“Not—” he manages to choke out, “—they’re not. They just keep coming.”

 

“Is that bad?” asks Tweek, but Laura shushes him.

 

“I think they might just be Braxton Hicks,” she says. “Sometimes they’re just very strong.”

 

“No,” Craig groans, “I can’t stand it.”

 

“You can,” encourages Tweek. “You’re doing awesome.”

 

Craig lets himself collapse into Tweek’s arms, unsure what the hell he's supposed to do if  _ this _ isn’t the real thing. How is he going to manage actually having the baby if he can’t even stomach Braxton Hicks? The fear, combined with an even stronger wave of pain sets Craig into sobs. He doesn’t mean to, but he cries and clings to Tweek desperately. He can feel his mother’s hands also rubbing his back, trying to soothe.

 

“Don’t cry,” Tweek says, “it’s gonna be okay.”

 

“I’ll run you a hot bath,” Laura suggests. “That helped me when I was having you.”

 

“I can’t do this,” Craig replies, terrified. “I can’t.”

 

“I know you can.” Laura presses a kiss to the top of his head. “You can, and you’ll do an incredible job.”

 

“Yeah,” Tweek adds, threading his fingers through Craig’s nap-unruly hair. “I believe in you, and I wouldn’t  _ -ah-  _ trust anybody else to have my baby.”

 

—

 

The Braxton Hicks were sort of a rude awakening for Craig. Now he’s had a small taste of how much having the baby is actually gonna hurt. That terrifies him into reality - he’s having a baby. He’s going to have to birth it, and then he’s going to have to actually care for it. He doesn’t feel like he’s close to being ready, even if he is done with being pregnant. 

 

He’s actually about to pop, and he thinks his son will be born any day now. He can’t like, prove it, but he has a feeling. After the Braxton Hicks though, Craig has decided his birth plan is drugs, all of them, as quickly as possible. Thankfully the two people Craig wants in the delivery room with him—his mom and Tweek—have zero opinions regarding this. They just want Craig to be as comfortable as possible.

 

He’s been extra clingy with Tweek, and he’s surprised Tweek isn’t annoyed with him already. But he’s grateful. He hadn’t realised  _ just _ how patient Tweek is before he got pregnant. He’s glad Tweek is willing to sit at home with him and comfort him if he starts freaking out about labour. He’s also grateful that he has Tweek to help him up off the couch, because he has to pee just about every ten minutes. Maybe even five, it’s frustrating as shit and he can’t get up on his own. The downside is, Tweek has always needed to pee in frequent intervals. The entire time Craig has known him, Tweek’s had the bladder of a pregnant person. He guesses it’s all the coffee, but he mostly lets it be. It’s just much more irritating when Craig’s urge to pee goes from zero to one hundred and Tweek’s not there to help him up. 

 

He could honestly be just chilling out, maybe poking at the baby if he’s kicking. And kind of like morning sickness, in the way that feeling the urge to puke was instant, he’ll need to piss all of a sudden. Like, worse than bad: the pressure in his bladder and lower belly almost instantly become unbearable. He supposes this is because there’s zero room there - his baby dropped a few days ago, and whenever he moves the wrong way it puts pressure almost anywhere. Craig is going to be so happy just to have his organs in the right place again. 

 

This happens to him when Tweek is in the bathroom. He’s several rooms away and Craig goes from feeling a bit uncomfortable (as usual) to feeling like his bladder is going to explode. It’s kinda hard not to panic in a situation like that. He’s at the complete mercy of other people, with little mobility and less autonomy. It’s awful, and completely humiliating. But not as humiliating as when he realises that Tweek will not make it back in time. In a panic he scrambles to get himself up off the couch but is unsuccessful. Instead the movement just increases the pressure and before he can stop it… 

 

He’s relieved—at first. Before he actually realises what he’s done: his pants are wet, the couch is wet and there’s nothing he can do except wait for Tweek to come back. 

 

For like, the fiftieth time that week Craig can feel tears welling. As scared as he is of labour pain, as worried as he is that he won’t be a good parent, he just can’t take this anymore. He’s got zero control over his own body and relies on everybody else to help him. It’s just too much, he needs this baby out. 

 

When Tweek does come back, he stops short in the doorway. 

 

“Oh shit!” he says. “What’s happened, Craig?”

 

“I fucking pissed myself,” Craig says tearily. “I had to pee but I couldn’t get up so I pissed myself like a kid.”

 

“Fuck,” Tweek replies with a frown. “I’m so sorry, man, I should have  _ -ah-  _ been here to help.”

 

“It’s okay. It’s just… it’s so embarrassing, Tweek. I can’t take this anymore. I need him out.” 

 

“Hey,” Tweek says, putting an arm around him despite the pee smell, “he’s gonna be here so soon - you’ll forget all about how shitty this all is. Cause we’ll  _ -hnn-  _ have our little alien here.”

 

Craig nods. “I know, I’m just, I’m exhausted.”

 

“Let’s get you in the  _ -nghh-  _ shower,” Tweek suggests. Craig feels a small sting knowing that they both can’t fit in there at the moment - so there’s no showering together. “I’ll clean this up for you, don’t worry.”

 

“You shouldn’t have to do that.” Craig sniffles. “It’s so gross.”

 

“I’ll be cleaning up grosser things when the baby arrives,” Tweek says, helping to pull Craig to his feet. “Let's just get you clean, okay?”

 

“Okay,” Craig echoes, still feeling fragile. 

 

Unfortunately, despite Tweek’s best efforts, Craig’s accident isn’t kept a secret. Tricia comes home from school while Tweek is still cleaning, and well, Craig and Tweek feel like they should probably come clean so that his parents know what the fuck happened to their couch. 

 

Tricia just laughs at him, hysterically cackling like a witch at Craig’s misfortune. Normally Craig wouldn’t let it get to him, but after today he’s already too much of a mess so he just goes upstairs to his bedroom to sulk. He knows Tweek will follow as soon as he’s done cleaning. 

 

He sighs, climbing onto his bed with great difficulty and rearranging all the pillows so that his bump is supported. He doesn’t actually sleep, but he’s happy with the silence. Of course, he knows he’s never truly alone. The restless movement in his stomach is a constant reminder. He presses a hand to where he feels the kicks and sighs. 

 

“Hurry up and get here,” he says to the curve of his stomach. “I’m done waiting.”

 

He just stays that way, poking at his belly until Tweek knocks at the door. He knocks so lightly, like he’s afraid even a knock could upset Craig. Craig might be hormonal, but he’s not  _ that  _ crazy. 

 

“Come in,” he calls, and hears the door creak open softly, followed by Tweek’s footsteps treading light. He doesn’t have to look; Craig knows Tweek is here when he feels the bed dip and an arm drapes around him. Tweek is safe and warm. Craig snuggles in and guides Tweek’s hand to his belly. 

 

“He’s kicking heaps,” Tweek says. “Kinda surprised he has the room.”

 

“He doesn’t,” Craig states. “It’s to my detriment usually, but I can’t bring myself to be annoyed. It’s been a good reminder to me, that I love him more than I hate all this pregnancy shit.”

 

—

 

Craig is overdue, and he’s in hell. He’s so ready to have this baby out, ready to be able to breathe again, eat normally or even just walk without a waddle. He took normality for granted, so, so much. 

 

He knows he’s never going to be the same again once the baby comes. He’s not gonna be able to go back to being a regular teenager. Even physically he knows his body is gonna be changed for good, and of course his life will change completely. This is something he’s made peace with, that he’s not gonna be able to do what his friends are doing. He knows he’s gotta grow up now and that he and Tweek aren’t gonna get to goof off anymore, but that’s the choice they’ve made. It was the most difficult choice they’ve ever made, but Craig knows in his heart that they made the right one. 

 

He’s ready to be done though, ready to meet his son and show him the world. Ready to hold him, to kiss him and to just bond with his baby. Just himself, Tweek and their kid - it’s so weird to him that they’re gonna be a family. He’s starting a family at sixteen with Tweek; that will never not be surreal. 

 

“I read something about  _ -ah-  _ spicy food triggering labour?” Tweek suggests. Craig is sitting on the couch,  _ that couch,  _ with probably almost all the pillows in the house piled strategically around him. He’s been complaining all day about how hot he feels and how uncomfortable he is. He knows he’s getting restless.

 

“I’d probably just puke.” Craig sighs sadly. He’s been feeling pretty nauseous over the last few days, along with the uncomfortable tightness from before. He knows labour is coming soon, just not soon enough! 

 

“Right well, there’s sex?”

 

“No,” Craig dismisses flatly. He’s always overheating and is the size of a house. He’s never felt less like having sex in his entire existence. 

 

“I’m literally just reading off of a list on google,  _ -gah-  _ don’t shoot the messenger!” Tweek replies. “We could go for a walk?”

 

“I hate that the least,” Craig decides. “I still feel awful though, so I’m probably not going very far.”

 

“Better than not at all.” Tweek shrugs before taking Craig’s hands to pull him up off the couch. 

 

“Just around the house,” Craig says. “I don’t wanna go outside.”

 

“We can do that.” Tweek smiles, gently placing a hand in the small of Craig’s back to guide him. Craig groans as he begins to move. Moving around is always extra uncomfortable, because any movement increases the pressure that has been building in his stomach all day.

 

“Are you okay?” Tweek asks, and Craig adores him for being so observant and careful. Tweek’s gonna make  _ such  _ a good dad. 

 

“Just uncomfortable,” he replies. “The usual.” 

 

Tweek smiles sympathetically. “I know you’ve heard this a  _ -nghh-  _ billion times from me, but it’s gonna be over soon… I mean any day now, surely.”

 

“Yeah,” Craig says, rubbing his stomach, “definitely.”

 

Then Craig feels it - a small pop from inside him, like a strange sensation of depressurisation. And then his pants are wet, not like a water balloon exploded, but enough to be noticeable. It’s not like piss, where you can kinda control it either, it just goes.

 

“Shit!” exclaims Tweek. “Did you piss yourself again?”

 

“God, were you dropped on your head?” Craig decides he doesn’t want to know the answer. “That’s my waters, genius.”

 

“Whoa… it looks like  _ -ah- _ piss!” Tweek says, wide-eyed.

 

“It’s not piss, I just felt it go in my belly…” Craig frowns. Fuck, it’s actually happening now. He’s going to meet his kid; maybe today, if he’s lucky.

 

“Should we call the  _ -gah-  _ hospital?” Tweek still looks dumbstruck.

 

“Call my mom first!” Craig insists. He won’t go to the hospital without his mommy.

 

—

 

Unlike his unbearably slow pregnancy, Craig’s labour is quick. It’s quick, painful and he cries the whole way through. The worst part is waiting until he can have the epidural. That’s when he loses his shit the most: he screams a lot, and loudly. Maybe he is being dramatic, but this is  _ his _ body having his baby, so he lets himself scream to his heart's content. 

 

He’s surprised how Tweek manages to stay calm. Tweek doesn’t scare when Craig is screaming like some kind of feral animal, he stays close. He holds Craig’s hand and supports him, constantly whispering a stream of encouragement in his ears. His mom, too: she strokes his hair and helps him walk around, tells Tweek the best places to knead in his back. 

 

He’d be lost without them.

 

Craig is only there for a few hours before he needs to push. To him it feels like forever, but afterwards, when he reflects on what it  _ could  _ have been, he realises a couple of hours is merciful. It’s all very merciful, actually; the part where he is in the most intense pain is short. Granted, he’s kind of a baby when it comes to needles, and it takes them a hot minute to get the epidural in because of his crying. But Tweek holds him still, nose to nose, telling him he loves him and that  _ he can do this _ . 

 

Once the epidural’s in and working, it all goes okay from there. While the pushing isn’t comfortable or fun, at least it isn’t so organ-crushingly painful. At least it is quick. He gives birth on all fours; Tweek read online that it’s a good position to be in. (Craig is grateful for Tweek’s research, as he was too scared to do any himself.) But when it comes down to it, that’s the position his body wants to be in anyway. Instinct takes over. He’s glad for it too, as Tweek can hold him. He kind of needs to be held up because of the epidural, but it works just fine. 

 

Craig doesn’t really remember much, except the crazy rush of relief and endorphins when his howling baby boy was placed on his chest. Tweek cut the cord and then sobbed into Laura’s shoulders. For Craig, he felt like he’d been pushing for ages, but Tweek remarks that it happened quickly, that they’d barely gotten him into the position in time. Craig was kind of laugh-crying because he was  _ here!  _ His son was out, and screaming and gorgeous. 

 

He has lots of dark hair, but it’s kinda crazy, like Tweek’s. Craig decides that all the misery was worth it, even if he did piss himself. 

 

They take home their baby boy Tobias pretty much the next day, dressed in the tiny little alien onesie Tweek had bought. Craig is still in awe that his body just did that, and that he’s okay afterwards. Maybe it’s the high of having a new baby, or the painkillers he was taking, but now those nine months he spent hating pregnancy didn’t feel so bad. 

**Author's Note:**

> My tumblr is blesspastacraig if you wanna be friends :)


End file.
